i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
vagina is talking i cant
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
