Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
