just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize