I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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