She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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