dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
