I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
