Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
