That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
