i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
