The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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