Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
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