he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
