Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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