i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
