Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
