Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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