i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
