and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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