Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
