she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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