Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
