The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
