We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
