We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
