I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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