Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
my liver is dry heaving
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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