I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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