We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Still dying that you shit outside
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
