oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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