Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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