Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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