It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
