I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
