Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
