just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize