I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
