I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
