It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I FOUND THE LEGS
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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