question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
