Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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