So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
