hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
