And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
