My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
