bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
