Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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