The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
