New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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