There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize