Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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