new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
