shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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