I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
