I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Success! We fucked roommates!
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