Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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