I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
