Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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