Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
