i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
