Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
