I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
