90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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