At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
