I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
where are my pants?
in the oven.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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