Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
