Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
