He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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