you guys were way drunker than both of me
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize