i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
