I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
