Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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