i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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