whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
