left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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