I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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