my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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