I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
