Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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