woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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